There is no doubt that Amazon sells a little ‘bit of everything these days. Did you know though, that you can easily pick up a roll of 3M Performance Plus 8979N Nuclear Grade 48-Millimeter-by-54.8-Meter Duct Tape? Yeah, that is a little odd, even for Amazon standards. Here is the actual description of the item on the page:
The slate blue color makes it ideal for use in nuclear tape facilities and it is certified for low leachable halogens and sulfur. It also provides sunlight and UV resistance for up to one year without the backing deteriorating or delaminating. This product is especially ideal for applications in the shipbuilding, nuclear power plant and stainless steel industries.
So with that said, they do also have user reviews for the item too. here are some of my favorites:
When we found cracks in the containment structure, we used to have to shut the whole plant down; then there was a lot of hassle with the nuclear regulatory agency about structural integrity and environmental contamination. With this quality duct tape, that’s all in the past. Now, when we see a cracked or crumbling wall, we just bring out the tape. The slate blue blends right in. I do recommend that you use use double layers for openings near the reactor core.
Is the world coming to an end?
As capitalism collapses around us and society falters, I began to get anxious about what supplies I should have on hand now that the turnips are planted. I was guided towards the 3M Nuclear Duct Tape, bound to be useful when the reactors start melting down, and then saw Amazon’s superb “What Did Customers Ultimately Buy After Viewing This Item” list. I was thunderstruck! Of course! In the end times, I’m going to need an electric toothbrush, a Rubik’s cube, and a Swiss Army knife! Not sure the Midnite Minichamp is the one I’d go for, though, it doesn’t have a toothpick, and dental hygiene will be critical in the coming collapse. Maybe I’ll get my Nuclear Duct Tape in red to match the knife, it always pays to look well put-together.
Stay away from this guy!
After a long night of beer and hot wings, I decided to overnight this tape to my house, as I knew what was going to happen. After the epic birthing of a giant brown monster, I used 3M’s performance plus nuclear tape to seal around the bathroom’s door into the bedroom. To my surprise, my wife and children never did smell what I had to endure. After 5 months, 29 days, I removed the tape, and I was happy to find no sticky residue left on the door frame.
A tape for every political party, after the end of days of course…
If you’re a nuclear technician and a Democrat, there’s no better high-performance duct tape for your facility than the SLATE BLUE nuclear duct tape.
Maybe not so good for a BBQ?
As I do most Sundays, I was working in the back yard on the grill. Because the dude next door is an Al Qaeda operative and he doesn’t lock his shed, I figured, hey, what the hell, let’s beef up the grill with some bomb grade plutonium. Because I didn’t have anything handy to hold it in place, I stuck it down with this 3M nuclear duct tape. After all, I don’t want my burgers exposed directly to radiation! That seemed like a good idea at the time, but when I threw a steak on the grill, not only was the steak cooked way too quickly, but the gamma rays jumped right through the tape and caused the steak to start glowing. It also tasted funny, so I can’t say I recommend this product at all!
Last but not least, a heart-warming summary of the king of all duct tape…
The tape works. It protected the house from certain doom and its occupants. Don’t tape your whole house if you don’t have time. It might be better to just tape yourself and your loved ones from head to toe.
Are you sold yet?
